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Stockholm Syndrome


by Kat de Naoum

What is it about a massive warehouse, usually in the middle of nowhere, with free parking, directional arrows on the floor, neatly and cleverly arranged affordable items for the home and super cheap food that makes grown-ups absolutely giddy with glee?

I don’t know if you’re like me and prefer house item shopping to any other kind of shopping, but there’s something about Ikea that gives me an insatiable urge to buy containers in every single shape and size and grandfather-clock shaped wall stickers and dog-butt hooks and a new set of scissors and felt thingys to stick to the bottom of furniture so as to not scratch the hardwood floor (even though I do not have hardwood floors).

Is it because buying is a feel-good drug and when we see something cheap and useful (which is the epitome of Ikea) our instinct kicks in along with the “logical reasoning” behind it?

I needed a shower curtain rail and a bottle for olive oil, a double duvet for guests and a dirty laundry basket. Off to Ikea I went without a second thought.

Please enjoy the following list of some of the items I acquired and my completely “logical reasoning” behind each purchase: –

• A retro-looking garbage can. I will use it as a holdall for my dogs’ toys (nothing else to put in there; dogs’ toys will do).
• Tupperware. What? Do I need a reason?
• Kitchen roll holder. Yes, I already had one but I wanted this new one. It’s not rocket science.
• Hangers. No, I did not need them. But I might. One day.
• Water glasses in mauve. I liked the colour.
• A children’s lunchbox in the shape of a dog’s head. I have nothing further to say.
• A shower curtain. For when I get a shower curtain rail.
• Two mini cactuses… cac… cact… cacti… Whatever. Two little mini prickly plants in Mexican style mini plant pots. Have no idea how to keep them alive. Or if they are even alive for that matter but I felt I should have some plants inside. For oxygen and stuff.
• Three little boxes which are supposed to go in your drawers to keep your stuff organised. I put panty liners in one of them and the other two remain empty till I think of something clever to put in them. (I didn’t go out specifically to buy a container for my panty liners (I’m not that much of a weirdo) but since I stumbled across them, I thought, “why not”… you know?)
• A spatula for fried eggs. It’s bright green and goes with absolutely nothing in my kitchen but I don’t want to risk ever breaking another runny egg yolk again. It’s traumatising and I’ve quite frankly had enough of it.
• Scented candles. About a dozen, approximately. You can never have enough candles. (Who am I kidding; if you light up all the candles I have in my house and put them in my garden, it will be visible from the moon.)

Granted, none of the items I came home with today were actually a necessity per se (apart from the receipt because I might end up taking some of them back after the guilty drive back and arriving home with my tail between my legs).

Needless to say, I didn’t ever buy the shower curtain rail, the bottle for olive oil, the double duvet for guests and the dirty laundry basket because I was too busy with the other, more interesting things in my trolley, so, unfortunately, I will have to go back to Ikea as soon as possible. *happy dance*

**Xeni Kouveli makes the Convo collages with pics found on Google images – we do not own them (except for the ones we do own).

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